thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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