I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
