I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it's like iHOP with fire
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
