What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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