I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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