Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
