so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
