I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
