my vag is so smooth its legendary
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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