i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
