His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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