We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
