Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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