Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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