I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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