This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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