didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
