Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
