What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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