Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
