My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
