I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You ruined the universe
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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