I want to walk on stilts...naked
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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