The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In other news, I just burned my penis
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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