shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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