I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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