Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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