Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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