sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
