after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
