I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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