JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
