I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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