Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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