Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
