I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
