I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
is it fun? or sober?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
