i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it glows. i had to have it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm at about main and main street
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Your cock deserves a montage
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
