New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
