Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
