May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
