if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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