hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
oh god the rape fog is back!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
