I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
