I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
