I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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