It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
