Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
