Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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