Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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