I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
