It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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