I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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