just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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