Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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